senosketch 12.31 More than once implies a pattern :
some december photos.
Kakao : 33% mindestens 12.26 Triple shot mocha grande chasing antihistamines, FDA unapproved speedball. My train is on track, but not Italian, aggravatingly behind schedule, no indication of what lies out of view. Spend your hours doing things that require you to actively remember to open your eyes, remember to eat, remember that you needed to be somewhere. Don't waste your time. Perugina, Ritter Sport, Baur, Lazzaroni, Ghirardelli, Godiva.
Carrots under water 12.21 What of the rabbits that run up the tree? no warning : no hesitation. why run, why even walk? Thick sheets of plastic floating down, pockets of air and patches of translucence, short shallow breathing.
Skin pounding out of sync with the thumping in my head, focus requiring effort to maintain. No more streams of light behind the furnace plate. sudden awareness of gravity. salt-less waters. the effort to point, to turn, to even remember. Mechanical longevity. Cognitive decline. Trees and rocks and water drops.
soy lecithin : an emulsifier 12.20 Butter biscuits covered by chocolate : bitter sweet, box of foreign words, product of. Why does the last seem less than the first? What of the next box when you remember the previous? the last several boxes? when you remember the final cookie. now the cookie just before the last becomes tainted. one previous, one more, another, half, more, everything. you know : deconstruct : see the pattern.
What of this pattern as it grows, and encroaches not only on your tasty treats, but your thinking? people, things, actions, re-actions. consuming the energy of newness, mystery. When you see through things jumping in front of you? another and another : your Flow contracting : smaller smaller windows : closing. Grow tired of ignoring, distraction, entertainment. people, things happen, credits. problems, learning, resolution. another day vs. gravity vs. faith vs. silence.
actually it's not like faith, 12.15 if you're bored with it already, that's your right, but I hope you aren't. if you're trying to protect yourself, that's fair, but I wish you wouldn't. this time I'm not going to do that. for me it's worth it.
Schedule 12.9 updates sent to me at two AM Saturday for a project due Monday morning vs. a raspberry napoleon from the German bakery with the accordion player who had everyone clinking jingle bells on their water glass ... sort laundry into color piles vs. write a robot that sorts email/spam based on blackhole hosts/lookups ... convert TABLEs to DIVs vs. take pictures of shiny thigh high boots ... bowl with interesting strangers vs. catch up on sleep.
